Picking a marriage and family therapist is a lot like picking out a pair of shoes. You won’t know if they fit until you try them on, even if they seem great on the shelf. Of course, credentials are important. Make sure the therapist is licensed and has worked with couples that have problems like yours before. But it’s just as crucial to feel safe and appreciated around them. Listen to your gut throughout your initial phone call or meeting. Do you feel like people are listening to you? Is there warmth and patience? Does the therapist give you both time to talk? Continue reading!

Think about how they work and what they do. Some therapists employ well-known methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy or the Gottman Method, which provide you organized tools and exercises to work with. Some people are more flexible and mix standard talk therapy with things you can do at home to help yourself. Find out how they run their sessions by asking them. Are they more open or more thoughtful? Do they follow a plan or just go with the flow? There is no one “right way” for everyone, so think about what makes you feel secure and open.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions right away. Ask them how much experience they have working with couples or families like yours. Inquire about how they deal with sessions when one partner is less communicative or doesn’t want to participate. It’s also a good idea to ask them what they mean by “progress” and “success” in therapy. You should feel clear and sure after getting the answers, not confused or stressed.

Find a therapist who wants you to work together. The finest therapy is like a partnership where both people have a say. Pay attention to whether the therapist checks in with you often, accepts all of your points of view, and changes their approach as things change over time. You should never feel like you’re being lectured or scolded.

It’s also important to think about practical things. Take into account the cost, the location, the office hours, and the insurance. If you have a lot going on or live far away, ask the therapist if they can see you in the evening or online. These practical things can have a major impact on whether therapy feels like it will last.

Finally, remember that it’s perfectly fine to switch therapists if the one you have isn’t working out. You haven’t failed or wasted time; it just indicates you’re dedicated to obtaining the correct help. You’ll know when you’ve found a therapist you can both trust. There will always be a sense of safety and hope, even when sessions are hard. One interaction at a time is what makes true development possible.